Relationships these days are hard enough. And in recent generations there’s so much non-communication going on that none of us really know who we’re even dating anymore. We know their face and a few cute quirks – but we’re still constantly walking on egg-shells. Don’t say the wrong thing, you might weird them out and scare them away!
People are so afraid of being them-selves these days for fear of judgment or rejection. Although, if you don’t act like yourself, how do you know if y’all are even really compatible?
The answer is… You don’t.
“So be yourself, and the right person will come.” Expert advice, right?…
As humans, we need – and I don’t mean the obvious living essentials like food and water, but we need love.
Not just love, but a whole spectrum of emotions that are most vital to a persons mental well-being. Believe me when I say; everyone loves and needs to be loved differently.
For instance; my mother is a very materialistic person, she’s also very opinionated which makes her pretty picky too. My father used to find it very difficult to please her because it seemed like nothing he ever did made her happy. He is a very laid-back, low maintenance fella. Doesn’t take much to put a smile on his face. so I guess you could say he’s fairly easy to please. So how did they achieve a successful marriage?
Honestly, they didn’t.
Right after my youngest sister graduated from high school, they filed for divorce. These are also my adopted parents. So, this makes my second set of parents that ended in divorce. So I didn’t have much faith in love lasting forever. But over the years I’ve re-evaluated my parents situation. I had the chance to talk to each of them and hear both sides. I see them so much differently now that i’m older and can understand both sides of the story.
See, Neither my mother or father ever learned how the other NEEDED to be loved or understood. As a result they never learned how to communicate properly. So for over 20 years they played that ole guessing game and divorce is where it landed them.
So from my experience, that’s what happens when you enter a relationship where your needs aren’t met.
Is there a magic potion to ensure something like this never happens again? No. It’s not a potion, but it’s a fairly competent solution.
The most avoided relationship question is;
Am I too needy – or are my needs not being met?
Because if we’re being honest with ourselves, it could definitely be either.
The reason nobody wants to ask this question is probably a mixture of; Not wanting to place blame, I don’t wanna know the answer (can’t handle the truth or possible break up), or dodging any miscommunication that could lead to later resentment.
In reality, you’re really just avoiding conflict by trying to still be happy/content without addressing the elephant in the room.
He/She CAN NOT read your mind. You must communicate! This means anytime you and your significant other have a debacle over something you NEED to express your emotions. – Constructively of course. Don’t go burning the house down!
Understanding yours and your partners needs is a super vital part of any relationship. This includes friendships and family too!
So, if you’re not sure of the answer, read over the next few statements to help gain some clarity.
Not having your needs met comes from a place of awareness, independence and understanding of inner-self.
You can’t expect that someone else should make you happy. You should be comfortable being alone and accept that life is unpredictable.
Understand that you need certain things for yourself & for your life – and reach the conclusion that it’s not anyone else’s obligation to give them to you.
Most popular conclusion: This probably means y’all are not compatible as you cannot expect anyone else to change to meet your requirements. (This is often why many relationships don’t last – The lack of commitment to do what it takes and the follow through.)
Although; this may be true in some cases, keep in mind that ALL relationships require an equal balance of effort and acceptance from both parties.
“You owe it to yourself to see it all, unfiltered. You can’t truly love something by selecting only what is beautiful. ” – Dushka Zapata
That being said, If you thought falsely about any of these statements then you may be too needy – and if that’s the case I urge you to get to know yourself better. You have to learn to love yourself first before you can focus on a relationship.
On the flip side, if your needs aren’t being met – learn how to communicate. My dad always said ‘if you can’t learn to maintain the tires, you’re basically asking for a blow out.”
Maintenance is required for almost every important aspect of your life. How you maintain your weight and physical activities to maintaining relationships and your mental well-being.
Take the time to make sure the things you care about are being maintained properly. We’ve all seen what a car looks like that’s been severely neglected. Don’t let that be you or your life.
Take care of yourself & the things that really matter, – And don’t take for granted the people who are there for you.
It’s having nothing at all that will allow you to appreciate everything. It’s failing miserably time and time again that will allow you to succeed. It’s struggle and loss that will allow you to prosper and find true happiness. So don’t give up just yet. The thing to keep in mind is that the best parts of life are only as good as their counterparts: or the lack thereof.